For the happy moments
Written by Annie on May 29th, 2009I just had an epiphany. Literally, five minutes ago while eating dinner. So I thought I’d make note of it before it slips my mind.
[note: this is a cheesy post about self-improvement and resolutions]
It’s no secret that I love watching teen dramas. One Tree Hill, The O.C., even Dawson’s Creek.
When I watch just minute-long clips of scenes from a show on Youtube (which I do, because I’m lame like that), it’s always a happy scene. One that I can laugh and smile to when I watch it. And I’ll watch it ten times and maybe even once more. For this reason, Gossip Girl is not in my list of loved teen dramas, because it has too much drama and not enough happy moments.
It came to me that I watch teen dramas not for the drama, I watch it for the happy moments. I watch teen dramas so I can see people my age engage in happy things and be happy. It makes me happy. I think, in a way, it gives me hope. When I watch the people around in me, in real life, be happy, I don’t know, it just makes me more depressed. It’s like I feel more isolated, more aloof. But when I watch people on TV, it’s different. It’s funny that way.
My Twitter bio says something along the lines of “trying to find happiness in life”. I’m not a really happy person. Well, actually, internally, I am. I just have difficulty showing it and really living in the happiness. I don’t want people seeing me as a depressed pessimist and a lot of people who don’t know me do.
And so, I think I’m going to change that. This past year, I’ve been oddly unsocial. I keep a list of really good days - usually those that I’ve done something wild or met someone great or had an amazingly fun time somewhere. And I found this past year to be lacking in those. So, I’m making a resolution to myself to be a happier person. As cheesy as this sounds, I want to be someone like Audrey Lidell, from Dawson’s Creek, who may be a fictional character, but she’s confident and happy… confidently happy.
I want to be someone who can live in the moment, all the time.
… after I finish my exams.
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I guess the story of adolescence doesn’t really change all that drastically from person to person. Reading this, I had so much déjà vu in regards to my own own experience in high school. I would write in my blogs and journals, shaming my self for my inability to be social and promising that the next day I would try a little harder. Well, something must have worked at this point. I look back on those old entries, and I feel like I’ve come so far. So keep pushing yourself, and good luck with finals!