short shorts

After my previous post about my dislike for the big, baggy Roots sweatpants I consistently see girls (and guys) wearing to class, I decided to make a whole post about the clothing choices that I see around school.

1. The big, baggy sweatpants. See the link above. I don’t mind normal sweatpants, but don’t get the ultra-baggy ones. In a nutshell, they’re ugly, they turn your butt/legs into an odd-shaped balloon shape (if that makes sense), and they look slobby.

2. Super-short black shorts . Also known as yoga shorts or dance shorts, they are characterized by their very short, or sometimes even non-existent, inseam. I wear them for yoga and fitness classes. Seeing people wear them in public upsets me greatly. These shorts were never made to be worn to school or the mall or the movies. Basically, they cover the butt cheeks and not much else.

[above] A classic example of the super-short black shorts, by Lululemon. Great for running, dancing, yogaing… not for the mall or for class.

3. The back of the bra . Bra straps I’m okay with, but the back of the bra? No, no, NO. If you’re going to wear a backless top, semi-backless top, or even a weird-back-design top, please get a weird-design bra for it, or a clear back bra. Most people don’t, and so, it looks tacky. Unless you can pull it off tastefully (which I’ve yet to actually see in reality), please hide the back of the bra and spare me the knowledge of what color bra you’re wearing today.

4. Your thong. Or any underwear, in fact. I realize that this “trend” has long blown over, but just be careful when bending down or bending over. I don’t want to know what color your underwear is, either.

5. Super-tight clothing. This goes for jeans, leather pants, tops, everything in the book. If you’ve gained a couple pounds since you bought it, or the garment shrunk in the wash, or it just happens to be a tad too small, well, that’s normal. If you wear it and you notice glances and cringes around you, or if it’s uncomfortable and you can hardly move in it, it’s probably too small. For pants, you should be able to walk and sit down. For tops, try twisting your waist or the “hugging yourself” exercise. If you can’t do these basic exercises, it’s too small. So don’t wear it (in public, at least). It’s probably killing your circulation system anyway.

By not wearing (or showing) the above five - you’ve made the world a better place. Thanks, and have fun picking out what to wear tomorrow!

I have, most recently at the Chicago Board of Trade.

It was on a recent weekend visit to Chicago (right after my trip to Yellowstone). My first time there, I thought I’d go check out the Chicago Board of Trade, or CBOT, where agricultural commodities are traded everyday. As a child, I had watched my dad trade these. I didn’t understand what futures were or how they worked, but I understood he was losing money. Childhood memories really stick with you, eh.

According to the CBOT website, the general public isn’t allowed into the viewing galleries to the trading floor. So I was only prepared for the visitor’s center, which had a few neat items and old pictures for show. But we came across a nice old man with membership there and he let us in (to the disapproval of the viewing gallery floor secretary) to the viewing galleries. I was extremely excited to see the trading floor, and see with my own eyes all the fascinating hand signals (practically a sign language!) that they use to communicate. It’s almost like how you see it on popular culture, for example this year’s comedy “What Happens in Vegas.”

Here’s the embarrassing part. Everybody that was in the viewing gallery was wearing formal clothing. All the men were wearing suits. The two women both had a skirt, a blouse, and a blazer. My friend that was with me at least wore business casual pants and a plain t-shirt. I dressed like a tourist and wore short shorts and flip flops.

I never felt so under dressed in my life.